For All

8 months ago

Disappear.

I want to write. I want to be one of those bloggers that takes great pictures and writes pithy things. But it’s hard because we don’t have internet at the house except on the hubs’ computer, and I don’t like to take it away from him to sit and write my super long thoughtful blog posts. And I don’t go to a lot of places where I just hang out and write either.

Yet I feel in some way called to write. Unfortunately, tumblr, we just can’t last. Everytime I get on here I’m overwhelmed by all the awesome stuff that I should read and reblog before I even start getting my own thoughts down. And maybe instead I just need a blank space where I can do my own thinking instead of letting someone else do my thinking for me.

So I’m looking for a new blog home. It it happens, I’ll let you know.

Notes: 43 / 9 months ago from amillionlittlefireflies (originally from oldflorida)

amillionlittlefireflies:

oldflorida:

Sanibel, 1948

(DOC Collection)

every summer.

9 months ago

Figured Out.

I went to the doctor yesterday, and for the first time, I actually got some answers. And I’ll overshare them with you here; feel free to skip the intimate details if you want.

If you know anything about me, you know I love answers. I’m a Seeker, that’s for sure, but I don’t seek just to be cool; I’m looking for Truth and when I find it, I hold on. Yet every time I’ve gone to lady doctors there are no answers for me, there’s no nothing - just a lot of vague platitudes and pats on the back. Thankfully, Dr. Louis Foley was different.

He did the exam and read over all my NFP charts and asked me tons of questions and then said, “yep, you have PCOS” (poly-cystic ovarian syndrome). I had already suspected this, but I didn’t know about as much about this condition as I thought I did. PCOS, he explained to me, is a genetic condition that I was born with and is very similar to pre-diabetes. It means my ovaries are insulin sensitive, so that any great drops or jumps in my blood sugar levels affect my ovaries like crazy, which in turn affects the hormones that they produce. This leads to acne, crazy weight gain, and not ovulating. Guh.

Luckily, PCOS doesn’t equal infertility although it can be more difficult to get pregnant. And barring any structural problems (blocked tubes etc.), conception can be made easier through the use of medication that just helps my body to produce a bit more estrogen. Much better than surgery or a life of barren-ness!

But the impacts that PCOS has on me goes much beyond my reproductive system. My body is genetically engineered to hold onto everything I eat and to move at a much slower metabolic rate than anyone else’s. This means that the primary means of controlling PCOS, through a healthy diet that keeps my blood sugar regular and lots of vigorous exercise, is more difficult to achieve with the way my body is set up. My body is not “unhealthy” because I have proper levels of cholesterol, good blood pressure, etc., but it still refuses to let go of any weight. My body gains muscle easily, and holds onto fat too. So it’s actually also more difficult for my body to get to the point of exercising vigorously, because it’s stronger than most people’s. Dr. Foley explained that my body was build for evolutionary survival, through times of long famine or drought - just like my bf Shaelena and I always said it was.

So I have a different body than everyone else, just like I have long suspected. Dr. Foley said that I have to work out twice as hard to lose a fraction of the weight, and that any breaks I take in my routine will mean I gain back way more weight. His advice? “No days off, if at all possible.” 30+ minutes of vigorous exercise and smaller meals a day that are mostly protein and long-burning calories. Limited carbohydrates, as little sugar as possible. This will help my blood sugar levels be as even as possible so that my ovaries will send out normal hormone levels and I’ll ovulate.

That’s a lot of pressure, I guess, to realize that I’m built differently and that normal methods of everything won’t work for me. This should be a relief, and to a degree it is. But it also creates a sadness in my heart. Somewhere I always believed that if I worked hard enough, I would be able to be what I secretly, hatefully want to be: a completely in control, temperate put-together woman. This image includes me thin, with a very clean house, 8 kids, indulging sometimes in organic chocolate cupcakes and taking 11-mile runs for fun, while running some sort of awesome funky business. But now I’ve found out that a part of that can’t be true, and that unlike me, my hard work doesn’t correlate to results.

It’s all self-indulgent ridiculousness, because I can be healthy and have children and live a good life. But it’s a different way to look at the world, now, and it’ll take some time to get used to it. Now I’m off to eat some sort of healthy snack…!

Notes: 56 / 9 months ago from restlesshippo (originally from cognitivedissonance)

jerm4papa:

What a great t-shirt! It’s amazing what good things come about when two loving and committed people (one man/one woman) come together in marriage!

Notes: 2359 / 9 months ago from amillionlittlefireflies (originally from thedailywhat)

amillionlittlefireflies:

thedailywhat:

OMG! Adorbz of the Day: Mr. Arturo Trejo interviews his one-year-old son Jose Luis about one-year-olds stuff. And terrorism.

[reddit.]

amaazzzinnnggg.

Tagged:
OMG! Adorbz

Notes: 1199 / 9 months ago from ohyeahfacts

You know how it smells after it rains? That clean, greenish smell when rain lands on dry ground? That’s petrichor, from the Greek petra (stone) and ichor (the blood of Greek gods and goddesses). The term was coined by two Australian researchers in 1964.

(Source: )

9 months ago

New

I haven’t written since the tornado, really. I haven’t written since the tornado or graduation or wedding or honeymoon or married. But I’ll write now, because now is new, and new is all I have (the old is gone).

Just like the Grogans were in my fav dog movie, Marley and Me, Tom and I are trying to get pregnant. Despite all the nay-sayers and the judgey-judgers, we want children right away. Children are the natural product of love so intense it manifests itself physically - the greatest most obvious miracle that humans encounter almost daily. And Tom and I, we love one another so much, we want to bring a visible sign of our love into the world, we want to see our own miracle.

But we don’t know if we can. We’ve been married for 40-ish days and already I’ve had one trip to the hospital and two lady-doctor appointments. It’s only 40ish days, and I know that in actuality, maybe all that is wrong with me won’t affect my ability to conceive. But maybe it will. I oscillate between calm and fear, peace and dread. At night, I lay in bed wondering what God has in store for us, and when I’ll know. I have many friends who struggle with the great cross of infertility, who like Rachel cry out, “give me children or I shall die!” (Gen 30:1). I don’t feel that way yet because I don’t know what I’m facing; I think maybe if I knew - if a doctor could say, you have endometriosis! - I could be okay. I’m good at accepting what is True, and working with that. But what I’m afraid of is not being able to know, and going on in that grim twilight with everyone saying “no, you’re healthy” and my body still refuses to bring life into the world.

And as I type that I’m reminded: I am life too. I can bring life into the world in a variety of ways, and it doesn’t just have to be through children. There are many people, and children, who could need me, if I didn’t have any people of my own to need me. I would not be purposeless if I end up being childless.

And for those of you who might read this and then find out, maybe in just a little bit, that I DO get pregnant, I ask you to keep your “I told you so”s to yourself! Where I’m standing now, anything is possible (and impossible).

Notes: 370 / 12 months ago from ohyeahfacts

Henry Ford never had a driver’s license.

(Source: listverse.com)

Notes: 4 / 1 year ago from jenjenrn

Well, life.: Prayers, please!

jenjenrn:

The tornadoes that ripped through the south are just devastating. I pray so much for ALL of the lives affected by this tragedy.

My best friend is in her last semester at the University of Alabama Law School, when the tornado barreled through her house and her life Wednesday evening. She saw the…

Thanks so much to my friend Jen for posting this. Please pray for my beloved Alabama.

Notes: 138 / 1 year ago from ohyeahfacts

The second largest country by land area is Canada, after Russia.

(Source: mentalfloss.com)

Notes: 531 / 1 year ago from quote-book

"He had never told her certain things, about the women he received as part of the booty of battle, the women he met while he was travelling the world, the women who were expecting him to return one day. He hadn’t told her this because he was certain that she knew everything anyway and forgave him because he was her great love, and a great love is above the things of this world."

-

“Brida”, Paulo Coelho (via shamayimmeanssky)

This has to be the lamest quote EVER. Oh yeah sure THAT’S why he didn’t tell her, cause he knew she would forgive him—not because he was a lying promiscuous jerk, and she would leave him if she found that out.

(Source: quote-book)

Notes: 4 / 1 year ago from amillionlittlefireflies (originally from antiqueman)